10 things you’ll overhear in Dublin

“Two for a tenner”

Whether on your way to Croke Park or strolling down Grafton Street, the cry of a 60+ year old Dublin woman is bound to attract your attention. No item is safe, with floozies, punnets of strawberries, and whatever else may have fallen from a delivery van all being offered in multiples of two at low, low prices!

You feel sorry for the amount of effort it took these ladies to convert from the Irish punt to the euro, as “Two for a pound” is still etched in your memory!

“I have a receipt”

You’re at the checkout of Centra, purchasing a much-needed chicken fillet roll, when you see a tracksuit-clad young man gingerly making his way towards the exit without any items visible. The shopkeeper becomes suspicious and confronts said person, but is quickly informed that he does, in fact, possess a receipt, which you know they most certainly do not. The chances of feeding the whole of Dublin with your chicken fillet roll is more probable than this guy having not robbed something!

“That Conor McGregor lad is some animal”

The 26-year-old Dublin native has created a lot of buzz throughout his home county of Dublin, and folks have jumped on the bandwagon. Up until last year the lads singing his praises barely knew what MMA stood for, and their knowledge of martial arts was seeing a few slaps thrown outside Coppers on a Saturday night. In the space of a few fights in the UFC, thousands of experts have emerged throughout Dublin, and they all offer deep insight into who they think McGregor should face next and how he should approach his training. All this while sporting the best Penny’s suit, and the finest haircut their dole money could buy!

“I can’t, I have a 9 o’clock”

The most heard excuse for not doing anything exciting across Dublin campuses. Having a dreaded 9 o’clock lecture, or worse, lab, means you’ve either missed the chance to carefully select your classes based on the preferable post-lunch timetable, or you’re taking a course other than Arts in UCD. Well, you’re only in college for as long as you can afford so hit up the Big Tree, chat up a few nurses, and battle through your death-like hangover the next day. 30-year-old you will thank you for it years later.

“Morto”

In making regrettable decisions, your young female friend is incredibly embarrassed. Rather than wasting extra breath on a word with three syllables (“mortified”), females of Dublin have found a way to save both the speaker and listener time and effort by shortening it down to “morto.” Dublin teenagers: innovating the English language since the advent of Bebo.

“Going for a cheeky Starbucks?”

First off, there’s very little cheekiness in having one of the most overrated coffees in the land. Nowadays the Starbucks to-go cup is treated like another fashion accessory for those walking down the shopping streets of the city. The image of a heavily coated young woman hunched over, clutching to every last degree of warmth evaporating from her chalice is a sight we are all too familiar seeing.

“I was trollied”

You’ve heard it from the lad suited up walking down Grafton Street on his way to work. On his iPhone 6, he informs the person on the end of the line that he is “trollied” from the night before! Still lives his life like a college student except now he’s making business deals instead of trying to get the shift on a Wednesday night. For the sake of this new business venture, alcohol was required to schmooze with the client and the result is an unforgiving hangover.

“Did ya see Love/Hate last night?!”

The most popular RTE show since The Angelus, Love/Hate is the talk of Dublin city every Monday morning. No matter what your social background is, it seems everyone is united in their love of the show. At least now you can tolerate what the scumbag at the back of the bus is talking about, especially as they’re probably more educated on gangland crime than you.

“Five euros, Pennies.”

Stating the price of your latest wardrobe addition and where you purchased said item is the norm in Dublin. With Pennies being the unheralded king of discount brands, it offers huge appeal to both genders of the capital. Lads frequent the store to prepare for holidays in the sun by buying as many offense-laden t-shirts they can afford on a 50 euro budget. Girls, on the other hand, can stretch every penny and have the ability to look like runway models upon exiting the premises. So the next time you see a lad wearing a shirt that stating that his penis is “a legend,” standing next to a bombshell model, you’ll know they’ve probably been to Pennies.

“Are you getting on or not?”

Dublin Bus has a strong belief in employing some of the most bitter and obnoxious people on the island. Impatience and dishing out ignorant remarks must be on their job description because they do it with ease. Any question asked of them is answered with a sigh of astonishment, wondering how someone like you could have been born ignorant of the exact stops of the 66 bus. Don’t dare hesitate in getting on a bus, as you will be angrily asked “Are you getting on or not?” No matter your decision, the doors are getting closed behind your arse or right in front of your face whether you like it or not!

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