11 signs you were born and raised in Alberta

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Photo: Matthew Fane

1. You can’t decide if you hate Vancouver or love it to death.

Whenever the Canucks are in town you jeer at the blue and green jerseys on the street, and if one more friend from Vancouver tells you how much better B.C. is, you might have to strangle somebody, but when it’s -35°C outside and 10°C over in British Columbia, you can almost see yourself making the big move out to the coast.

2. You’ve drank your fill of AGD.

You’ve been familiar with dollarabeers since forever. Lucky is alright, and counting the rabbits on the Pilsner can is fun, but at the end of the day it’s all about AGD. Some call it the best of the cheap beers, but Albertans know that it’s really just the cheapest of the best beers.

3. You love goin’ for a rip.

Being young on the prairies is about trucks + fields + AGDs + bonfires + getting the hell out of there before the Mounties show up.

4. You have an ambivalent relationship with the local hockey teams.

They were great in the ‘80s, then abandoned us for about 15 years. They both almost went all the way in the mid-2000s and we loved them for it, our cities came alive with excitement (and some nudity and rioting happened which we are not so proud of), but then they just disappeared again. The winters have been long and dreary for Alberta’s hockey fans, and they look to stay that way for a while (in Edmonton).

5. You know that summer is all about the mountains.

Summer in Alberta = loading the car full of food and friends and heading out to the mountains for some hiking, camping, and drinking. Grizzly bears ate your hot dogs? AINT NO THANG.

6. You’ve scorned other people for getting cold.

We are Albertans. It can be a balmy 5°C degrees in the morning and by the end of the day it might be an apocalypse blizzard. We dress for the weather, but every once and a while you get stuck freezing your ass off, and you have to suck it up. When you catch someone shivering and complaining and their hair is NOT covered in icicles, you know they aren’t really Albertan.

7. You’re tired of getting asked where you’re from.

I get it. Almost everyone in Alberta is from somewhere else. You can’t go 10 seconds without hearing some Maritimer beaking off in the bar. But when you’re from Alberta you feel like this is your home, and every new person you meet questioning that gets a bit old.

8. You have one or more scars attributed to a tobogganing accident.

Seriously, toboggans are super dangerous, and let’s not even get started on GT snow racers. I remember one winter when 3 friends each broke their arms within a week of each other. But that didn’t stop them from caroming recklessly down the schoolyard hill every Saturday for the rest of the year.

9. You’re going up north for work (but you really wish you didn’t have to).

The lure of the north is pretty strong for us Albertans. We know the camp food is going to be shitty, and the hours long, and the cold merciless. I think most of us even know that digging giant pits in the ground and filling them with toxic tailings isn’t so great. But at the end of the day it’s where we all end up.

10. You proudly wear a decent pair of cowboy boots, a Stetson hat, and a pair of Wranglers on at least one day, or one week, of the year.

Whether it’s Stampede, Klondike Days, or your local rodeo, real Albertans love getting a chance to embrace their cowboy roots, two stepping and yeehawing well into the wee hours of the night.